Before somebody makes a move…
I know what i want out of a relationship and i know what I’m not getting.. But i know what i deserve and worthy of as well.
I feel like I’m stuck in a rut sometimes with Charles.. We will be doing absolutely spectacular then he says something it does something that completely turns me off and for some reason i just think how couldn’t ever get married because he does this this, and that.. But then i tell my self will he does this, and has a good job, head on his shoulders, nice car, good family and tell myself that the stood small stuff he does that i hate isn’t enough to not be together.. But then when I’m but with him i just think..about everything and for a girl, that’s bad. Last night at work a Co worker was saying how he meet a woman that fell in love with her high school sweet heart and got married, had kids and the whole live happily ever after what not. But 20 years down the road our whatever she was disappointed that she had never “explored” the opposite sex. She just “fell in love” and settled for him. I couldn’t even let him finish his story without me thinking about myself. I’ve only had 2 actual boyfriends. Besides those two, I’ve only kissed 4 guys. And have only been intimate with one.. I’ve never explored. I just let Charles be my everything.. And just convince myself I’ll get over the crap he does that hurts me everyday.. What if I’m missing out on something our someone? i wouldn’t know.. Ugh i hate being confused. I hate that Charles is confused and doesn’t know what he wants which makes me not know what i want. I wish i had time to “explore” before meeting him.. 2.5 years ago. So i would know of this was will worth it. I love him to death but he is making me so unsure..
Thanks Co worker.. For making my wheels turn and unsure about everything I’ve been doing the last 2.5 years of my life.
